Love Languages

The concept of “Love Languages” is something that needs to be discussed at length and understood by each partner as part of the process to ensure a healthy relationship.

This will be a condensed version as many of my couples seem to be getting stuck at this point. After discussions with their partners in counseling, they report very positive changes and feelings of contentment and “finally feeling understood” by their partner. They also report less arguing and better times together.

The 5 most common Love Languages, according to Dr. Gary Chapman are;


It is just as important for you to know your own Love Language as it is for you to know the Love Languages of the people you love and care about.

Below are the Love Languages and brief examples of each one. Most people fall into more than one category.  It is also common to fall into parts of all of them but you will realize there are usually 2 or 3, which fit you the best.

1. Affirmations. Praises, being told you are beautiful, kind words, unsolicited compliments.

2. Quality time. Going out to eat, going places together even  if its just browsing a bookstore together, being looked at when you are speaking, listen patiently and don’t interrupt, TV off, cell phone down, no distractions. 

3. Gifts. Buying material things,  wanting there to be an effort behind the gift, always remembering important dates such as birthdays and anniversaries etc.

4. Acts of service. Help with things you’re doing, help with chores, help with children, fix things around the house, check air in tires, doing things you don’t really enjoy doing because you know your partner enjoys them.

5. Physical touch. Hugs, hold hands, arm around you, play with hair, scratch back, kissing when unexpected, touching when you walk by.

Often times, couples will do to each other what they themselves want, or will do what they think their partner wants. Once you are able to understand exactly what it is that makes your partner feel loved, you will experience increasingly positive feelings towards each other.

 Recommended reading: The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.